Random Access Memory
I want to write about the best day of my life. It was such a long time ago now that I can remember only little bits, Snippets of memory shining through the past. I was with my first girlfriend. We met in Manchester for the usual shop around HMV and Selfridges for Oreos and Reeses. It was my friend's birthday party at a restaurant in a village outside of Manchester, to the south; and as such we also scoured the shops for a birthday card of suitable humour and coming-of-age greatness.
I felt particularly old when signing the card from both my girlfriend, B, and myself. It was like the cards those couples always gave us as kids, signed both boy and girl, like we were a singular entity whose presence was requested. So anyway getting ready was ace, I really like the stage in any relationship where both the boy and girl are so comfortable being naked in front of one another that they just get changed in front of each other and joke about what to wear. By the time we were both ready she looked hotter than I'd ever remembered and I felt like the ugly kid who got lucky on prom night, only better since I knew she looked at me in a similar way.
The meal was delicious and the wine was basically free, and the talk around the table was hilarious. And B was beautiful. The night was incredible. When B and I got home (after a hilarious car journey) we made love for the second time ever. And that was he firts time I felt properly attached to her. I mean I felt like I didn't want to leave her ever and the thought of living a life without her. I wanted her there for ever.
So why write about this now? Well, obviously she wasn't "there for ever". We broke up almost two years ago and except for the obvious "Happy Birthday"s we've hardly spoken since. I want to be in a relationship that's as memorable (for the right reasons) as my first one. I want to feel like I could spend the rest of my life with this beautiful example of female humankind again. I even want to be afraid of rejection by the one I love again, because I think that's the only time we ever feel alive, when we live a life with someone else. I want whole days of memories to come flooding back simply by driving past a restaurant we happened to eat in years earlier.
I felt particularly old when signing the card from both my girlfriend, B, and myself. It was like the cards those couples always gave us as kids, signed both boy and girl, like we were a singular entity whose presence was requested. So anyway getting ready was ace, I really like the stage in any relationship where both the boy and girl are so comfortable being naked in front of one another that they just get changed in front of each other and joke about what to wear. By the time we were both ready she looked hotter than I'd ever remembered and I felt like the ugly kid who got lucky on prom night, only better since I knew she looked at me in a similar way.
The meal was delicious and the wine was basically free, and the talk around the table was hilarious. And B was beautiful. The night was incredible. When B and I got home (after a hilarious car journey) we made love for the second time ever. And that was he firts time I felt properly attached to her. I mean I felt like I didn't want to leave her ever and the thought of living a life without her. I wanted her there for ever.
So why write about this now? Well, obviously she wasn't "there for ever". We broke up almost two years ago and except for the obvious "Happy Birthday"s we've hardly spoken since. I want to be in a relationship that's as memorable (for the right reasons) as my first one. I want to feel like I could spend the rest of my life with this beautiful example of female humankind again. I even want to be afraid of rejection by the one I love again, because I think that's the only time we ever feel alive, when we live a life with someone else. I want whole days of memories to come flooding back simply by driving past a restaurant we happened to eat in years earlier.
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