I'm still me and I feel (physically) fine!

See this post and more on my chondrosarcoma blog - http://ihavechondrosarcoma.blogspot.co.uk/ 

The only thing I could think, as the Consultant told me the news, was that I should be a little bit more sad and a lot more shocked.

That's what people are supposed to feel when they're diagnosed with cancer. The stories are always about people who are 'devastated' while their worlds are 'turned upside down'. Honestly, I was sort of relieved.

I think the worst thing about my experience so far is the waiting. Narratives focus on moments - the moment a lump is noticed jumps to the moment a lump is tested jumps to the diagnosis. But these narratives miss the weeks - and often months - in between. Minutes, hours and days in which you notice every single imperfection in your biological material - has that knee always been sore? why have I gone to the toilet seven times today? is this a normal acne spot?

That is why I felt relieved when the doctor told me I have a grade 1 chondrosarcoma in my left hip. Things can be done about this - and now that we both know what has been making it sore to run, walk and even sleep sometimes, these things will move forward quickly.

So what's next? 

A week or so ago I went back into hospital for more tests to 'stage' my cancer. Hopefully it's all nicely localised in my hip. Following that I'll (along with my family) have a difficult discussion with my doctor about 'The Next Steps'. Ironically, these next steps will most likely involve me not making any steps - at least for a while after surgery.

I plan to write a blog about my experiences - I might even make a podcast, although I'm still trying to figure out the 'angle' that I want to take with this. 

I'm sorry if I haven't told you already. This is either because it was too difficult for me to say or because I didn't want to tell you. I find it easier to write it down on here. Importantly, I feel physically fine. And I don't want people fussing over me or making a big deal out of it. I'm still me! Treat me the way you normally treat me. 

Comments

Riz said…
Really brave Andy! Stay positive :)
3 May 2014 at 13:14
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